Day 25

Yesterday I chose to sleep in and pick up the house instead of blogging. I really need to get better about cleaning before I go to bed instead of just going to bet.

If I were to write john a letter right now it'd say:

John,

I hope your first week in scotland was magnificent! I can't believe it's been a week and you're there. I hope you're enjoying yourself and that you and Alex are having a wonderful time.

I wanted to bring up the event last Friday night. I know as a family we don't always share our feelings in this capacity, but I feel like I need to share mine. You are under no obligation to read this, but I really hope you do.

Last Friday was the second time you have yelled at me over me acting non-maliciously in a way that you didn't like. Both times have scarred our relationship. Both times you haven't said you were sorry without prompting. It won't happen again.

Last time we were in this situation I was not yet a part of this family. Now that I am I am choosing to distance myself from you. I have grown up in an abusive family both physical and verbal and can tell you there never is a switch that is flipped to make you 'physically abusive' but you are well on your way. I'm not sure if you remember but you did flip a chair towards me Friday night while you were screaming at me for the wine on your shirt. That, along with the fact that this was now the third time your mom has cried on my shoulder about you having these moments, has caused me to be done.

I am still your sister, but we are not close. I do not trust you. I may trust you someday but not if this is how I can expect you to act.

I hope you know this in no way affects your relationship with Matt. This is a purely you and me thing. I hope you also know that if you continue down this path, you won't have very many friends or family. The friends that you will have, won't trust you wholeheartedly and the family that stays is around to help you, not be around you. Trust me, I've seen it. I've witnessed and lived it.

I hope you find this not as a threat, or as a rude message, but as something that makes you think and makes you take this year to really grow and become a better person for everyone's sake, especially yours. I would hate to have you continue down this road as it's not a fun one to go down.

I hope you also understand my point of view and are willing to work on our relationship, because I am. We're always going to be family and it would be horrible to have this rift stay between us.

I love you and have a great time.

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