100 Days

Yesterday was a hard day for America. It was the Las Vegas shooting as well as Tom Petty died at 66. There are reports that over fifty people died in vegas and hundreds were injured. It's the worst shooting in American history. Apparently the guy passed all the background checks and no one saw this coming. Apparently he camped out in his hotel room overlooking the concert and just started shooting. He even reloaded before any new what was going on. They say he even had bombs in his room. He ended up turning the gun on himself before anyone could get to him. These are the times we live in.... I'm not sure what is worse, feeling numb with that situation, or not being surprised that it happened. I intentionally stay away from large crowds because of these types of things, and am constantly aware of my surroundings so I'm not in a situation like this. It's terrible to think that that's become a lifestyle. I want to donate blood to help with the need of saving othe...

I think I shared some of my dark thoughts with Matt this weekend. I've realized that it's become an issue and I need to read about what to do to not have these thoughts. I also think I'm going to be limiting my drinking for awhile so I can really get a handle on these things.  I've started following a bunch of podcasts and am reading articles about which books help with this type of thought process. I believe I have a inferiority complex as well as a hard time feeling vulnerable with others. Thankfully there's a lot to learn on both subjects which makes me feel hopeful. I don't want to be the crazy one that ends the marriage because I pushed Matt away.  I've thought about counselling but want to try things on my own first. If I still feel this way in 4 months, or worsen in the next 4 months,  then I will go talk to someone.  I also know that a lot of this has to do with work and how bad it is. I really need to step up my game with finding a new career....

Today is Mari's birthday so I'm not going to spend the morning talking about the negative things in my life. Instead I'm going to only talk about the positives. I cleaned up Matt's office last night and it is a remarkable change. Funny how a simple $30 bookshelf changes things. My friend Laura wanted to buy the same bookshelf, but didn't because it's a two person lift. I did because of that! I spent the night drinking wine and cleaning up his catastrophe of a room. I'm excited for him to get home and see it! It's so cold right now I love it. It's about 50 and just cold enough where a sweater sounds perfect, but a coat would be too much. I've been thinking about my outfit all day. I bought myself new shoes yesterday as a gift for doing so much work in the office. They were $20 so I thought it was worth it. Charlie is snuggled up all warm under a blanket next to me and I have my coffee sitting next to me. Behind me is the quilt for the Ruck...

I slept in yesterday. It was a rough start and didn't get much better. Work was a magnificent catastrophe full of letdowns and fires to be put out. I am really getting better at this job but still make stupid mistakes. I suppose it will come with time. It's frustrating to be the only one making these mistakes.  I did talk to Laura last night for quite awhile though. That was so lovely. It was after I had like two glasses of wine though so I kind of rambled on and on and on. I think she's having a hard time with work right now and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to support her.  Matt on the other hand is killing it at work. He has a big week this week and is talking about his product in front of a ton of people today or tomorrow. I think he's been rather stressed out about it but not in the same way. I think he's over preparing so he has nothing out of line. I've tried to stay out of his way and let him work. He's going to be gone for the next...

Well I didn't workout again today. I chose snuggling with Matt and Charlie over it. I can feel my legs getting fatter.... This weekend was pretty enjoyable. Friday we got some news that Matt was going to have his guarantee a bit longer than expected. That'll allow us to be more comfortable for the foreseeable future. To celebrate he made sushi and we drank a bottle of wine Friday night. I think we were in bed by 11? We got up early on Saturday and went to the market. The rest of the day was super lazy full of reading, movies and quilting. Saturday night we went to his financial advisor's client appreciation night in a barn. It was like every Nebraska wedding reception, Funeral, or family reunion I have ever been to. Everyone was in blue jeans and flannel button ups. It was hilarious. Yesterday we didn't do a damn thing. I didn't even put on pants. It was another lazy day full of movies, books, quilting and carbs. Unfortunately it was a beautiful day and we tot...

Well yesterday was an eventful day. Matt put the final touches on us getting our apartment. I get to check it out the first week of October. We move hopefully between November 21st and November 30th.  It was Katie's birthday.  And I started thinking about anything that we need to plan to do our October reception and Thanksgiving.  I think for Thanksgiving we're going to cook everything over here for the most part then take it over to Brigette and Ryan's for final touches. This means the turkey to the pies have to come out of my little kitchen.  I think I'm going to do a turkey, Scalloped Potatoes, Stuffing made from old bread not from a box, green bean casserole, (Rucks are making a corn casserole and cranberries), croissants, veggie plate, salad, apple pie, and a pumpkin pie. That should be enough.... As for October all I really need to do is call Ratio and confirm that their outside area is available. This and maybe make our event start at 2 because noon s...